Lessons Learned

I am only 21 years old and have a lot left to learn about the world and how things work, but I feel I have gained some wisdom through experiences gone through in my life. I have gained wisdom about relationships - whether it be family relationships, friendships, or romantic relationships. Through each connection to another human being, I have grown mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. Ultimately, I have discovered much about myself. There are a lot of things I wish I would have known back then that would have changed the outcome of some situations, but I am grateful for the learning experiences. I don't think I would be the person I am today if I didn't make those choices or mistakes. I have mostly learned what not to do, but nontheless, I have learned. I will share some wisdom I have obtained over my 21 years of life on this earth:

Tell those you love that you do every day - you never know when will be the last time you'll see them.
Never go to bed angry.
Smile - people will want to be around you.
Spend more time thinking about what you have, not what you don't have - you'll be a more thankful person.
It's OKAY to let people help you - everyone needs help sometimes.
Forgive - even when you've been hurt deeply.
True love is worth waiting for - even if it takes years.
Never give your heart to someone before it has been healed - nobody wants just pieces.
You don't need a man (or woman) to make you happy and complete - all you need is God.
Your family is the only one you've got - cherish them.
Good friends are hard to find, but when you find them, they enrich your life.
God answeres prayers, sometimes instantaneously, but most things take time.
Do what makes YOU happy - don't always try and please every one else or you'll become a doormat.
Everything happens for a reason.
If you love someone, let them go. If it's meant to be, they'll come back to you.
Go at your own pace - you don't always need to kill yourself to keep up (except in school haha).
Work hard in everything you do - you'll be a valuable employee.
Put God first above all things - your life will become balanced and you will be truly happy.
Second chances come with every sunrise.

These are just SOME things I have learned..but they are important, so I wanted to share them :)
God Bless.

Heartbreak Warfare

I was 15 years old when I first had my heart broken..Some may say that is a bit young, and I agree, but I don't think you are ever too young to feel that deeply about something. Experiencing pain like that initially made me angry and self-destructive, and eventually, hardened and bitter. I was angry that things didn't turn out my way and blamed God and other people for the emotional pain that I had to go through. God eventually gave me a wake-up call and I realized that I needed to forgive and let go in order to heal. Once I did that, I was finally able to experience true happiness. I was happy for years until I opened up my healed heart to someone else and he shattered it too. I've heard it said that "the first cut is the deepest", but I've found the opposite to be true. Maybe it is because I was older during this time and more mature in my way of looking at and experiencing love, therefore, I felt a deeper connection to this person. I reacted to the emotional pain differently this time and bottled it up, pushing away my feelings to the point where I just felt numb after awhile. I lost interest in the things I once loved and distanced myself from the people that loved me. I was a mess. It took me years to face my feelings, deal with them, and crawl out of depression, but I did it with God's help. I don't really believe that time heals everything; instead, it has to be a decision that one makes every single day. It also helps to have some guidance from the Big Guy upstairs ;) God put people in my life that pursued me when I wanted to withdraw from the world and reminded me that there are other things more important to live for. I used to reflect on the past through tearful eyes, but now I can look at the past through grateful eyes. I am thankful that I have been saved from depression by a God Who is full of grace and mercy. He has given me many second chances, even when fellow human beings have not. And He will never break my heart.

Hope For What is to Come

As many of you know, I lost a great friend just recently. He was covered in soft black and white fur, used the furniture as his personal scratching post, begged for table scraps, purred loudly, and kept my feet warm each night. Okay, he was a cat :p But not just any cat..He was a wonderful, lovable cat that I considered a big part of my life. I raised him from a tiny 6 week old ball of fluff that just wanted to eat and sleep snuggled up in my jacket. I'd sneak him into class with me in my purse and he was perfectly content to sleep in there the whole hour and wouldn't make a peep. He LOVED going for car rides and would look out the window as I drove. Whenever I was sad, he would sit on my lap and give me kisses. He'd be waiting at the top of the stairs when I got home each day, and he'd sleep on my bed each night. I loved him with all my heart. Some people can't understand the bond that some people develop with animals, but what we had was special. Although it is very sad that Marleau had to tragically die, I believe that he is in Heaven frolicking among the flowers and chasing butterflies, all the while being watched by Jesus. I think that animals go to Heaven because they bring us so much joy here on earth. It says in the Bible that in Heaven, "...the wolf and the lamb will live together; the leopard will lie down with the baby goat. The calf and the yearling will be safe with the lion, and a little child will lead them all." Isaiah 11:6 "He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever." Rev. 21:4. I am grieving for my little friend, but within that grief, there is hope that I will see him again someday. Loss is always difficult, but if you share that hope of eternal life with the person you have lost, you can be sure that you will see them again.

The Age of Innocence

When I was a kid, I had an imaginary friend. "Stardust" was a beautiful white horse that possessed the persona of a wise old man. Stardust and I would go on adventures together in the empty field across from my childhood house and we would find many wondorous things. For example, one time we found an array of bones, (not sure what animal they were from) but we pretended that the the dirt field was an ancient Indian burial ground and that we had discovered the bones of the chief, therefore they were magical and gave us super powers. I was given the power of great knowledge and Stardust was given the power of speed. Together, we were a mighty force. In addition to being my superhero sidekick, Stardust was my mentor and friend. I would tell him my worries and fears and share with him my joys. He was always there. When I finally grew up, (and I mean finally :p) I left Stardust behind and became consumed in "real life". When I couldn't see Stardust anymore, I knew I had finally grown up. Or did I?
When do we "lose" our imagination? Do society and experiences that force us to grow up play a part in removing that filter from our minds and hearts? I think of childhood innocence as a filter because it only allows us to see what we want to see. When you're a kid, all you want to see is happiness and joy, therefore, you see life through your imagination. Even if you have lived through horrendus experiences at a young age, you escape through your imagination. It allows you to live in a state of happiness. One may say it is a state of ignorance, but nonetheless, a child is protected within his or her imagination.
So how do we get our innocence back? Some may say it is impossible. However, I've found that I relive my childhood when I spend time with imaginative children. This helps me recover some of my innocence as I listen to their made-up stories and remember the tales I created in my own mind as a child. Another way is to go to a beautiful place (such as a mountain top) and dream. This restores some of my childhood wonderment and reminds me to regard everything beautiful with awe. So you see, all is not lost when it comes to imagination. Your mind can still paint beautiful pictures if you give it a paintbrush. You may not have all the paint you had as a child, but you can still paint a picture. Don't get so caught up in the seriousness of this life. I'm going to end this thing with a song by Kenny Loggins. It reminds me of my childhood.

Christopher Robin and I walked along
Under branches lit up by the moon
Posing our questions to Owl and Eeyore
As our days disappeared all too soon
But I've wandered much further today than I should
And I can't seem to find my way back to the Wood

So help me if you can
I've got to get back
To the House at Pooh Corner by one
You'd be surprised
There's so much to be done
Count all the bees in the hive
Chase all the clouds from the sky
Back to the days of Christopher Robin and Pooh

Winnie the Pooh doesn't know what to do
Got a honey jar stuck on his nose
He came to me asking help and advice
From here no one knows where he goes
So I sent him to ask of the Owl if he's there
How to loosen a jar from the nose of a bear

Help me if you can
I've got to get back
To the House at Pooh Corner by one
You'd be surprised
There's so much to be done
Count all the bees in the hive
Chase all the clouds from the sky
Back to the days of Christopher Robin and Pooh

It's hard to explain how a few precious things
Seem to follow throughout all our lives
After all's said and done I was watching my son
Sleeping there with my bear by his side
So I tucked him in, I kissed him and as I was going
I swear that the old bear whispered "Boy welcome home"

Believe me if you can
I've finally come back
To the House at Pooh Corner by one
What do you know
There's so much to be done
Count all the bees in the hive
Chase all the clouds from the sky
Back to the days of Christopher Robin
Back to the ways of Christopher Robin
Back to the days of Pooh

What's in a Name?

I've never really blogged before, so I'm not sure how to start these things, but I guess I should introduce myself! My name is Cassandra Ann Courtney, but you would only hear my full-name used by mother when she was "disappointed in me" as I was growing up or now, by my doctor or professors. My "official nickname" is Cassie, but have been called many other names throughout my lifetime. From "Cass" and "Andie", "Casserole", and the "Great Cassushis", to "Short One", "Tiny Guitar Player", and "C-to-the-Assie" (Oh, high school, how I miss thee..), with each friend (or bully) referring to me as something different. Most of these nicknames I was okay with, but some I must admit, hurt my feelings when I was very young and going through that awkward preeteen stage. "Chicken-legs" isn't exactly music to the ears when you're a young girl trying to develop self-esteem. Luckily, I moved past all negative labels as I grew up and discovered who exactly I was. I still have chicken legs, but I guess I kind of grew into them. I am still establishing my "name" in the world, but here's what I know so far about this so-called "Cassie":
She has a lot of love in her heart for people and especially, animals
She is very driven towards the things that she wants and absolutely HATES giving up
She is confident in herself, but she also knows that she would be lost without the people that love and support her
She has strong moral convictions and knows without a doubt, right from wrong
She can feel others' pain and can tell who is struggling without them even revealing it to her
She is very competitive - mostly with herself
She will sometimes "check-out" of situations because she can't/doesn't want to deal with them at the moment
She thinks and rethinks people, problems, and situations through wayy too intensly
She has been so emotionally wounded in the past that she has a hard time opening up to anyone
She often doesn't let others know if she is hurting
She knows she is a doormat to some people, but if she stood up for herself, they'd leave
She is terrified of being alone
She wishes she had more time to do things that make her happy
She tells her animals everything she wishes she could tell someone who'd listen
She is more comfortable hanging out with guys because they aren't so quick to judge
She has alway been an adrenaline junkie, but has gotten more careful with age (and accidents :p)
She sometimes begs God to allow her do-overs
She loves music and has a playlist for every mood she's in
She is somewhat nervous about putting all her thoughts and feelings online for all the world to see, but knows that it might help some people that identify with her nonsense
Well, that was a longer list than I thought! I guess I can get carried-away sometimes..That's another fact about me! Haha. All of these things make up the unique characteristics associated with my name. They separate me from the other "Cassandra Ann Courtneys" in the world and help remind me that God made me just the way I am for a reason. I may have made a bunch of stupid mistakes in my life, but I am still learning and growing and discovering who I am. I am forgiven by a God who gave me my name and  knows exactly who I was meant to be. Who are you? And most importantly, who will you be tomorrow? What does your name mean and how will you make your name stand out in the world?  Now to end this thing with a quote. I love quotes.."To live in mankind is far more than to live in a name." -Vachel Lindsay
Thanks for reading :]