Heartbreak Warfare

I was 15 years old when I first had my heart broken..Some may say that is a bit young, and I agree, but I don't think you are ever too young to feel that deeply about something. Experiencing pain like that initially made me angry and self-destructive, and eventually, hardened and bitter. I was angry that things didn't turn out my way and blamed God and other people for the emotional pain that I had to go through. God eventually gave me a wake-up call and I realized that I needed to forgive and let go in order to heal. Once I did that, I was finally able to experience true happiness. I was happy for years until I opened up my healed heart to someone else and he shattered it too. I've heard it said that "the first cut is the deepest", but I've found the opposite to be true. Maybe it is because I was older during this time and more mature in my way of looking at and experiencing love, therefore, I felt a deeper connection to this person. I reacted to the emotional pain differently this time and bottled it up, pushing away my feelings to the point where I just felt numb after awhile. I lost interest in the things I once loved and distanced myself from the people that loved me. I was a mess. It took me years to face my feelings, deal with them, and crawl out of depression, but I did it with God's help. I don't really believe that time heals everything; instead, it has to be a decision that one makes every single day. It also helps to have some guidance from the Big Guy upstairs ;) God put people in my life that pursued me when I wanted to withdraw from the world and reminded me that there are other things more important to live for. I used to reflect on the past through tearful eyes, but now I can look at the past through grateful eyes. I am thankful that I have been saved from depression by a God Who is full of grace and mercy. He has given me many second chances, even when fellow human beings have not. And He will never break my heart.